Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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