She's JV to your varsity
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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