the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
