hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
