if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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