I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
