We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
