I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
