My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm at about main and main street
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
