morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
