This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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