see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
