There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
