why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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