Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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