I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've blown a few things in my day
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
