she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
