youre lurking in front of me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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