i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
