you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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