I want to make a zoo with you.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
