end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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