cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
