I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
