Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently you make a good broom.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
