I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
