If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
