No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Randomize
