i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
