You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
