I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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