I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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