enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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