just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
