shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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