I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
