U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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