Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
