Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
