ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
