i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
being pregnant is like rehab
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
