a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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