I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
