ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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