I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
