don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
