Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
