if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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