Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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