I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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