Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she told me i tasted like america
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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