My first STD was from a foam party
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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