Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Blood and glitter go together right?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
