you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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